Along Came Baby #2

These past couple months, so many of our friends have either had their second child, announced they’re expecting a second child, or have thought about going for that second child. All this new baby talk is giving me some serious baby fever! (But calm down, ovaries. We have to wait until Emma is like 30 before we can even MENTION another baby.)

Being a mom of two very sassy, strong-willed little girls, I’m here to tell you allll about what it’s like to be a mom to TWO little humans. And let me tell you, it’s a walk in the park. JURASSIC park.

When we moved into our current home in 2016, Everleigh had just turned two years old. She was becoming this beautiful little girl, and no longer the little baby I once held. She was talking, practically running, and was just so… independent. Like where in the hell did my baby go?! I was missing having a little bundle to hold – big time. I wasn’t remembering all of the sleepless nights, poop-up-the-back diaper changes, nonstop crying and 36274 cans of formula. I was only remembering how little my Everleigh was and how wonderful a baby she was.

Joe and I were in an on-going debate for a couple months trying to figure out if then was the right time to try for another baby. I had just started my first teaching job, we were just getting into the groove of being homeowners… were we really ready to have another little person to care for? [* side note: for all of you parents out there who are thinking of going for that second child, but aren’t sure if you’re ready, here’s a little tip: you’re NEVER really ready. There will always be something that’ll keep you from thinking it’s time to try for another kid. And if you keep waiting for the right time, that time will never come.] After going back and forth for some time, we decided to give it a shot. We figured it would take some time, anyway. Almost NO ONE conceives on the first try, right?! HAHAHAHAH.. wrong.

We got pregnant with Emma right away. I almost thought it was too good to be true at first because there was no damn way it could’ve happened that fast. But, much to my surprise, it did. Anyways, throughout my entire pregnancy, people were always asking questions and making assumptions: You sure you’re going to be able to handle 2? You’re going to put Everleigh in preschool, right? I’m sure you made sure you were financially stable before planning this.

Like… WHAT?! Back to one of my previous posts, people are going to give you every opinion under the sun when you’re expecting a child. Yes, that goes for your second child as well. And third, and forth, and so on. It’s up to you to worry about your own family and new bundle of joy, not everyone else. So you just do you.

When Emma came along, it was an entirelyyyy different ballgame. Everleigh was a fabulous sleeper; Emma was not. Everleigh adjusted to the first formula we gave her; it took us 4 different types before we found the right formula for Emma. Everleigh took Avent bottles; Emma would only drink from the Dr. Brown ones. What I’m getting at here was that our two babies from the exact same parents were polar opposites. They usually say that your second child will give you a run for your money. In our case, it was the ABSOLUTE TRUTH.

Because we weren’t used to having a fussy, non-sleeping, colicky baby, it was like being new parents all over again. We’d be up all hours trying all sorts of new things to find a rhythm with Em. It took us a little while to get ourselves into the new normal and having two little people in the house, but once we did, we were unstoppable.

For all of you out there that just welcomed a new one to the family or for any of you expecting your second child soon, here’s a few tips to help you get accustomed to having two little babes to take care of and learn how to balance it all out.

1) Don’t go into this thinking it’ll be easy. If there’s anything in parenting that’ll make you doubt everything you’ve learned, it’s having another baby. You’ll have your first baby and think, “Yeah! We did a pretty good job. We can totally do this again!” That was us. DON’T. BE. US. Everything we thought we knew about handling a newborn flew right out the window when Emma came along. Each child is a totally different experience; some experiences will be easier while others will challenge you. Be sure to remember that what you did for your first child may not work for your second. You have to adjust to mom life all over again. But don’t worry. It DOES get better, and having those beautiful babes look up to you each and every day is a reward in itself. They may be looking at you begging for food or to be held, but hey, they’re still looking up at you, right?

2) Do NOT, I repeat DO NOT compare your children. The worst thing you could do is compare your children to one another. While I know how extremely difficult it is, you have to refrain from doing so. It’s so easy to say, “Well Everleigh walked at 10 months. Why isn’t Emma walking yet?” And then you’ll nitpick yourself and think you’re doing something wrong. Or you’ll go into panic mode and google  everything to see if your child shows signs of delay. Do me a favor and just don’t give a shit. Enjoy them being little. Your first baby is practically an adult now, so soak up all that comes with having another baby. Comparing them will only make you rush them into doing the things your first child did or didn’t do right away, and then before you know it, you’ll have two grown kids right before your eyes. Your first child’s development could be completely different than your second child’s. And that’s okay. IT’S OKAY. I sometimes found myself questioning things about Emma and wondering why she wasn’t doing all of the things her big sister had done. Everleigh had hit all of her developmental stages earlier on in her life while Emma was on-level for her age. I would get frustrated with myself for trying to pick apart their abilities because I was worried maybe Emma wasn’t progressing the way she should’ve been. But guess what? She’s a normal walking-talking toddler. You’d never be able to tell now she walked later than Everleigh. You’d never be able to see that she didn’t talk until she went to school last October. Every single child moves at a different pace. So please, enjoy them while they’re little and let them grow at the pace they were meant to.

3) Get used to the idea that all of the baby items you used for Baby #1 may not work for Baby #2. Our two children had completely different likes and dislikes as babies. Everleigh was in love with her swing that rocked forward and backward whereas Emma would only be comfortable in one that moved from side to side. Everleigh liked one type of bottle whereas Emma would only drink from another type. Everleigh played with just about any toy; Emma was attached to her blankets and blankets only. It’s okay to know that what you saved for your first baby doesn’t sit well with your second one. If they aren’t interested in a special toy you held onto, that’s alright. They’ll find something they’re really interested in, and that’ll become one of their favorite toys. It’s okay if they don’t use the same bottles or blankets or baby gear. Before you panic and think you’ll have to buy all new things once the baby comes, just relax. So many people are looking to get rid of baby items, so rather than spend a ton of money on things your child may or may not use, check out yard sales or see if any other mom friends have anything you could try out. It’s okay to use hand-me-downs from others; not everything has to be new. And who knows? Maybe it’ll be just that something your second child becomes attached to.

4) Lastly, pay attention to your first born. Everyone always touches on the changes a second baby brings to the parents, but no one ever really discusses what having a second baby does to your first. Your oldest child is now just that – the oldest. They were so used to being your only focus. You were able to cater to them and watch them 24/7. Your undivided attention was theirs, always. Now, with a new baby, your attention wanders elsewhere. You spend less time with your first born, it happens. This may lead to your first baby becoming upset more often, throwing tantrums, resenting the baby, etc. Its your responsibility as the parent to help ease your first child into this new adjustment. It’s just as much of a change for them as it is for you. Make them feel important and valued still. Help them see that this is exciting, not the end of their time as your child. When Emma was born, we had brought a huge goodie-filled basket to the hospital so that when she came to visit, she had her very own Big Sister basket! Also, we make time out of our busy schedules to devote time to just her. Whether it’s movie dates, or grabbing some ice cream together, or taking a ride to Target, we always try to make a little time to spend with just Everleigh. She needs the one-on-one time with her mommy & daddy at points, and we want her to know that we will always be here for her, even if there’s another little human in the house. (I’m actually planning on taking her to see Aladdin tomorrow evening for a little Mommy-Daughter date!) With a new baby around, it’s easy for your first born to feel unwanted and isolated. Take the extra steps to make sure they feel valued, important and loved during this big transition.

Having a second child will be an extreme change in your family. It may take some time for you to become adjusted and find that new norm for your clan, but I can promise you, your heart won’t ever be as full as it is with the love of all of your children. You’ve never realized how much love your heart could give until your second little baby comes along. Being a mom to my two girls may not be sunshine and rainbows on the daily, but it is most definitely worth it.

♡ Kelsey