Mother Hustle: Working vs. Staying Home

In today’s society, I think it’s safe to say that moms everywhere are judged about EVERY. SINGLE. THING. THEY. DO.

You breastfeed? Aren’t you worried about coddling your child too much? You formula-feed? Your child won’t get enough nutrients that way. You had a natural birth & used drugs? Thankfully that didn’t have a negative effect on the baby. You had a cesarean section? Oh, you’re not a real mother because you didn’t “give birth.”

Listen up. For all you first-time moms out there  – every single person you encounter will give some sort of opinion on your duties as a mother. Even strangers. I know, even strangers, right? Like why would a stranger give a shit about what you do with your own kid? But… for some reason, they do.

Anyways, one of the biggest controversies of mom-hood is whether or not a mother should be working after having kids. In today’s world, many households require two incomes to sustain a decently comfortable lifestyle. When a couple has a baby, a number of obstacles arise: Who watches the baby when I go back to work? When exactly will I go back to work? Will the baby be with someone trustworthy? Can we actually afford daycare? If I stay home, how will we afford our bills? Will one income be enough? And the list goes on and on.

In our situation, we had gotten pregnant very young. I had Everleigh right before my junior year of college. In fact, she was born the first week of classes. I missed the first two weeks, and I immediately jumped right back into the swing of schoolwork the third week in (and back to work six weeks after delivery). Everyone told me it was too soon, that I needed to be home with my baby. And while every fiber of my being wanted to be home with her, I knew that if I had missed a semester of school, I’d have such difficulty getting myself started again. I had set a goal for myself, and I wanted to accomplish that. And as for work, I needed to work. A) to afford school & bills, and B) to save to get a place of our own.

I had been EXTREMELY fortunate with childcare. My parents and grandparents were an absolute godsend when I went back to school and work. When Joe couldn’t be home with Everleigh because of work, they would keep her at night while I was at school – EVEN THOUGH THEY HAD HER ALL DAY ALREADY. Sometimes, Joe would have late work calls and I would be at class, so my parents would have my two-month-old until almost 9:30 at night. Some days, I felt like a horrible mother. I should’ve been home with my baby girl. But, if I didn’t continue with my education, what would I have? I needed to be able to provide for my child, and to get to where I wanted to be, I needed a degree. And thankfully, I had the most amazing support system to help me achieve my goal of not only graduating, but obtaining my Master’s degree in elementary education.

Once I graduated, I landed my first teaching job as a preschool teacher. Working 7:30-3 every day (7:30-6 two days a week), I barely saw my child. She was with my grandparents during the day, and then my dad while I worked afternoon care at school. Honestly, I am so thankful for that. Yes, it sucked not seeing my daughter every waking moment. However, if we had to place her in daycare, my paycheck would’ve covered just the cost of tuition and nothing more. And then guess what? I STILL wouldn’t have seen her, and we’d be out of money due to daycare costs. Therefore, my grandparents and parents allowed for us to use both of our paychecks to contribute to purchasing a new home and the bills that come along with it.

Now, here we are. Three years later. Two baby girls, a home, a cat & dog, and two successful careers. And guess what? We still BOTH have to work to make ends meet.

Back in October, my grandmother had gotten extremely sick. It had been a scary time for all of us. I also had to take off a couple days from work to stay home with Emma – because, like her older sister, she had been in my grandparents’ care. We had no idea what we were going to do with Emma if my grandparents could no longer keep her. I had been a wreck – analyzing every plan and idea to figure out what would best fit our family. We had talked about me staying home for a while until Emma was old enough for preschool. However, we knew that with one income, we just couldn’t afford the life we built. With that, a spur of the moment decision landed Em in the tiny tots program at my school. It had been rough at first, but our girl has made extreme progress. She has sincerely blossomed since October, and she truly enjoys school! It’s a decision I know I would make again if I had to.

Back to my original topic: working or staying home. For the mommas who are fortunate to stay home with their littles, I applaud you. Being the sole caregiver  to a tiny human(s) is no easy task. People often think that being a SAHM (stay-at-home-mom) is a walk in the park. Yeah. JURASSIC PARK. It’s often never easy – believe me, I do it every summer for three months. So for you moms who get through each day with your little balls of non-stop energy, you’re amazing.

AND for those moms who have to work, you’re freaking amazing, too. It’s super exhausting having to tackle mom life, wife life and work life all at once. So what you had Chick-Fil-A for the third time this week because you’ve had late work meetings and you weren’t going to be home early enough  to prepare a home cooked meal? At least they’re fed and happy.

In my eyes, it honestly does not matter if you work or you don’t work. I used to be envious of the moms who could stay home all the time, because I just didn’t want to go to work. But seriously, I know what it’s like to have to tend to a little person 24/7 and LET ME TELL YOU – it’s exhausting. But then again, working and THEN having to deal with your little minis is also exhausting. I guess I get to have a taste of both worlds as a teacher. So when I say I get how you feel, both working moms and SAHM, I truly mean it.

Regardless if you work or stay home, you’re a kick-ass momma. Always remember that.

♡ Kelsey